Momcation – Chapter 2 – Lesson 1

Finally, after 30 hours of travel, I set foot in Hanoi ready to start my holiday, prepared to meet myself as that was the initial idea. Oh, I met myself, and she was one tough cookie…More on that later.
I arrived at night, barely being able to keep my eyes open I stared out the window trying to take in all the lights and traffic. I have never seen so many scooters in my life. I thought Thailand was terrible, but Vietnam is on a whole other level.)
I eventually got dropped off in my street and was greeted by my host. I booked the place through Airbnb. I was escorted through a very narrow alley. The stairs to my room was a challenge in itself. You can see that this was designed for small people… There was a balcony a few flights of stairs up, and I went to look at my view…Well, it was to be expected is all I can say but I was happy to be here. Not in a fancy hotel but immersed in this culture, in this way of living. The first thing that hit me was the smell of mould. Ok, I settled into my room, but there was no time to chill. It was Sunday evening night market and I was meeting up with an old friend. Sleep is for the dead…

Once I hit the streets the sheer amount of people, stalls, music and energy hit me like a heatwave. I suddenly had a jolt of energy and instantly loved it. It felt like I was on a high.

Vietnam was playing soccer, so the street cafes and restaurants were packed with people. From locals to tourists, they all sat in the streets cheering on their home team. It was loud and overwhelming and exhilarating. We had a beer and walked through the market.

To say that things are cheap is an understatement. I held back because when it comes to markets, we as tourists see everything as a bargain and we end up buying things we don’t need. I did well actually. I Purchased a few jackets for my husband and my son and two pairs of sneakers for myself.
After we walked through the market, I decided to call it a night and tried to get some sleep. I was already missing my boys at home, and this trip hasn’t even started.
Hanoi old quarter is a maze of streets. In this maze street names randomly change as you walk. One minute you think you are in a street the next minute you are in another street. It’s weird. I decided to walk to Hoan Kiem Lake as I heard people do Thai Chi in the mornings. I told myself before leaving to Vietnam that I want to do Thai Chi at the lake, well when I got there I felt pretty stupid to do it, so I took photos like a real tourist and just watched people.
For the next couple of days, I spent my time navigating through this maze. Getting lost often but it didn’t bother me at all. There is so much that you can’t take it all in. It’s impossible. I came across an indoor market consisting of a few floors. So many stalls you can barely walk. I saw tourists that looked like they arrived in Vietnam and never managed to leave and move on with their lives. I wonder if they have mothers that worry about where they are? I walked through streets where the smell of food was so overpowering that I could feel the colour drain from my face.

I felt invisible, just a number and that made me feel strange actually. More on that later.

Contrary to popular belief Vietnamese people are not the friendliest bunch. They are small and can be extremely rude. When it comes to friendliness, Thailand outranks them by far. On the one side, it also didn’t bother me because they don’t have anything to prove to me. Oh well, moving along.

I thought I was adventurous when it comes to food, turns out that looking at some of the street food in Vietnam I chose life and went to restaurants to have a meal. It turns out that the possibility of food poisoning wasn’t too appealing. I got that when travelling to Brazil and trust me it’s BAD…
I don’t like going to the places where tourists go. I guess I don’t want to be labelled a tourist even though I am one. It rained one or two days and was cold. The weather suited me just fine, anything to get away from the heat back at home. I discovered Coconut coffee and Egg coffee…I hate coconut, but it turns out that I love coconut coffee. Weird.
As I walked the streets, I couldn’t help but catch myself staring at the people and how they live. All the shops are on the streets, and their homes are above them. Mould is like houseplants, laundry hanging from the balconies and the powerlines intertwined throughout the road. I have no idea how these people all make money as every second stall sells the same items. From older adults to babies, they were sitting in the street eating pho, playing games or just having general conversation.

All of a sudden I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. And then there I was, standing on the corner staring back at me. For the first time in a long time, I met myself in between all the chaos and I wasn’t happy.

I sit on the aeroplane on my way to Hoi An as I am typing this. The last couple of days were exhausting mentally. This article isn’t a travel blog. If you want to find out all the cool things to do in Vietnam visit TripAdvisor.

This blog is about how I discovered myself again piece by piece, how I met myself again and maybe this simple stupid article/blog will make you look at your life and help you to ask yourself some tough questions. Perhaps this will help you realise a few things, or maybe not. For me

I needed to step back from my life to see the value of it. When you are surrounded by something, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters, and what your purpose is. It’s easy to forget how good you have it!

I confronted many things about myself during these last couple of days. Firstly, as I said I couldn’t help but feel sorry for these people and then it hit me like a brick. Lesson one was about to be learned. Why do I feel the need to feel sorry for these people? What makes me think that my life back home is so much better than theirs just because it’s different? Here comes the hard answer. Privilege, that’s right, I said it. The privilege of what I think I have and what I perceive to be a good life. Privilege has turned me into a person that looks at other people living a different kind of life than what I understand to be great, and it makes me feel sorry for them.

They don’t care about my life back home. They don’t care that they live in a flat above their shop. That’s their life, and they don’t have to explain to me why it’s like that. Imagine someone from a “rich”, “first world” country flies to South Africa, walks past your house and feels sorry for you? I tell you what will happen; you will tell them to piss off because you don’t owe them anything…Think about it. It will infuriate you if someone feels sorry for how you choose to live.

I felt like such a superior asshole. I realised that we as humans have this false sense of entitlement and this false sense of success that we live by. We think we are better than people that don’t live the way we live. We believe that we are special, that we are somehow above.
The real Nicole slapped me in the face and reminded me that my way of living is not the right way, the better way. It’s merely “A” way. The real Nicole told me that I don’t have to feel sorry for them; I should embrace them and their way of living. I must realise the differences in culture and accept it…I shouldn’t have to feel sorry for people that don’t live the way I live.
So here is my question to you.

Do you view people that live a different life to yours as beneath, less fortunate or below standard? Why do you feel that your life is so much better? Because you live in a beautiful house, wear overpriced clothes and drive a nice car?

Think about it…Back home if someone has to say that they live in a “poorer” area, we immediately assume “Shame”…That’s bullshit!!! You need to stare your privilege in the face and tell it to piss off before you can accept people, truly accept people for whom and what they are. You need to acknowledge the fact that there are times that you see yourself as superior or above! If you cannot recognise the fact that you can be a privileged, entitled asshole sometimes well, there is no hope for you, and you will never grow!!

I would love a share of this post…But if you don’t, it won’t kill me…
Lesson 2 on the way…and it’s a good one